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A tes souhaits…

02/06/2007

Oh, what a tangled web we weave…

So I decided to come home for the weekend. I haven’t told very many people, and I won’t even go so far as to say that I’ve only told the people who matter – there are plenty of people who matter and who I still will not see. I hope they don’t feel bad…it’s just that I only have a certain amount of time and there are people who need me more than others. There are things I need to do.

I’m sitting at Chris’s house, and I feel honor-bound to justify that by saying that he isn’t here, and I came to see his mom. Regardless, he’ll be off work at midnight and I invited him to join in on Wii fun with Mike and me. It’s strange…but I don’t like not being friends with him. To be honest, half the time I don’t like being friends with him either, but I figure that enough time has passed for the two of us to be civil and see if maybe we can have a friendship that will work. So we’ll see. It’s not comforting to know, however, that he spends his time hanging out with Gabriella and talking about what a bitch I am. A bitch I am, to be sure, but it isn’t for him to say. Neither is it for them to discuss the fact that they think I’m a whore for whatever reason. People in glass houses, you know…

I’m having crises of the mind, crises of the heart. I don’t know what to do, and I hate it. On the one hand, I’ve been talking to Harry again. I don’t honestly think that anything could work between us, but it’s nice to be talking to him after so long. And who knows, we could have fun together…but we’re in such different places that to even think of pursuing something serious or longer lived than a few days (maybe weeks) is foolish.

Then there’s Greg. God, I haven’t thought seriously about Greg in about a month, and the biggest thought I had is “This is it, I can’t keep waiting for something to happen when I know it won’t.” But I told Sarah as much when we went to coffee this afternoon, she gave me good advice – don’t give up hope, because even if it doesn’t work there’s always a world of thought to be had out of a good idea. And, of course, she knows Greg well enough to know that the way he acted with me was way out of character for someone who is generally only interested in the physical. When we go to Boston, we’ll see what happens…

And there’s a third. I keep trying to deny that I have feelings of any kind for him, but it’s pretty pointless to pretend. As poorly as I feel about it, I was almost happy when I heard that he and his girlfriend broke up, even as I felt horrible that he was upset. I’m happy that he’s happy, but when we talk, when we’re together, I still wonder. And we’re such a good match, a lot of people have said. Don’t wish, don’t start…wishing only wounds the heart…

This is what happens when I go home for the weekend.

Well, that and Legends of the Hidden Temple.

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