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Breakthrough

01/07/2010

A few weeks ago my mom handed me a cloth-covered notebook – one of those purse-sized bindings of lined paper to which I’m so addicted – and since then it’s been my constant companion. There was a time when I did little else but write, whether good or bad or rhyming or long or completely nonsensical. Even the “bad” material is a window to something better, which is why this notebook has been such a godsend. The major reflection I can make on my last two works is that perhaps I shouldn’t listen to Kelly Clarkson while I write – neither is perfect, nor are they finished or necessarily autobiographical, but it feels so good to put pen to paper again that I can’t help but share.

Untitled #1 – 29 June

the first two days I thought I couldn’t live without you
the first two nights I cried myself to sleep
I knew that going on would be the hardest thing I ever had to do
I thought I knew…
But life without you has been beautiful
sunny days and starry nights,
I’m on my own and it feels so right
I lost my way, got caught up in you
had to give you up to make it through

And now I know that life without you is where I want to be.

you don’t know me the way you always said you did
you’re the stranger in my heart, taking me away
now the tears are gone, and moving on without you is the greatest gift of all
I had to fall…to see that
Life without you is so beautiful
I cut you off, I’m moving on
I’m free and finally happy, finally strong

Life without you is where I’m meant to be…
Who I’m supposed to be…
It’s beautiful to finally live for me.

Untitled #2 – 30 June

I can’t be anybody except who I’m supposed to be
I won’t give you all of my heart and soul, unless you give your heart to me
I’ll never stay on the ground when I really want to fly
And that’s just some of why there can’t be a you and I

I would have fought anyone to keep you, even if it meant myself
But I can’t stand up to you when you’ve turned into somebody else
Don’t think I’ll be here waiting for you to give it one more try
This is goodbye to the dream of you and I

You and I could have been perfect, like we’ve never been before
We could have shared our love forever, but I don’t believe it anymore
I would have given you my everything, until the day I die
But it’s not worth the fight…

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